War of My Life

By Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Never realised that the biggest war I’d have to fight is the one within myself. 

So, I have closed myself up in one bedroom duplex apartment and as I look at the outside world moving along, I’m trying to fight the war inside of me with everything that I have got. 

Instead of taking a hammer and bringing the walls down, I have decided to make the walls higher and deeper so that I can contain all the damage within myself.

Will it work? Probably not.

Will I stop trying? Probably not. 

Somewhere I am still hoping for the room to spin on its axis and take me to an alternate reality where this war never existed in the first place. But, the truth is, I can’t run away from this war anymore. I could close my eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist, but it would still be waiting for me when I open my eyes. 

 I have realised that the only way I will get out of this war alive is by loving myself. I need to take a few steps backwards and slow down to look at the problem from a distance and realise what I have been doing wrong all this time. 
 Now that I’m not running from the inevitable war anymore, I’m not scared of it either. I don’t know what the outcome will be, but I know that I won’t be the same person I am right now when this war of my life is over. 

So, I am going to wait for the final showdown and I am well-prepared this time. If fear hasn’t killed me yet, then nothing will. While I don’t know if I can win, I have no option but to fight. 

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  1. Waiting since May to read an article from you. Every time I visited, re-visited, re-re-visited your blog, there were no updates. But this post of yours made up for the delay. Continue your magic.

    1. Thank you so much, that made my day :)
      I had to take a step back from the blog to reassess things, but I never stopped writing. Hopefully I can keep up with the weekly posting schedule now

  2. Watching over your mindset, makes me wanna share an old prose (silly one, I must add :P) that I had written a while back:

    "Yoon toh, dil behlaane ke liye Ghalib, khayal acha hai -
    ki yudhh toh hue teen the, Panipat ke sthal pe..
    Lekin junge hazaron ladi hai humne, apne maanas patal pe."

    Wish more power to you girl!
    And pardon my binge-watching all of your articles here, as well as all my comments inundating your blog tonight, coz they are all so profoundly relatable :)