You know when your operating system just crashes and displays a blue screen? No matter what button you press, it won’t respond. Its done and its dead. May be it was some external virus or some internal application but your computer is done for when it gets the blue screen of death error.

That’s how I feel today. I feel like the operating system in my head has just collapsed. May be I am a workaholic, may be I work 7 days a week but that is because I freaking love what I do and I really want to be good at this.

But the last few days have been full of rejections and complete disappointments. May be I do push myself too hard but if I won’t then no one else will. I do have an opportunity to pitch my ideas to an international magazine but I already know in my heart that its just not going to work out.

And no, I am not just being pessimistic. Because trust me I am a pretty optimistic person, I try to see the good in everything that happens in my life and my blog is a proof ofthat. But for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am in a ditch.

My goal is to not be successful or earn more money, my goal in life is to keep moving. My worst fear is getting stuck in a place for too long, that is the reason I quit my job and that is the reason I don’t take up another permanent job. 

But its been quite sometime and I am just not moving.

Don’t you say that I am not trying, I don’t just try, I hustle. And yet, nothing seems to be working. Ever since I quit my stupid job, I have been sub consciously waiting for that moment when I finally regret leaving a secure job. While I am not quite there yet, I am just hoping I never get to that moment.